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I kissed dating goodbye

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a book that was in part a warning about the harm that relationships before marriage could cause.

Harris evoked images of men at the altar bringing all their past partners with them into the marriage to reinforce the point that love and sex before marriage took pieces of your heart and made you less.

As the couple begins to say their vows, a woman in the congregation stands up and walks toward the front of the church, silently taking the groom’s hand.

Then another joins them, and another, and another, forming an ominous chain at the altar.

I remember seeing the cover, and thinking how cool it looked, tipped fedora and all.

The sepia tone seemed romantic, and maybe, when you’re an awkward, depressed teen, that’s all you need to convince you of purity culture: it seems romantic.

It inspired both praise—from the likes of purity matriarch Elisabeth Elliot and Focus on the Family—and book-length rebuttals.

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In May, however, Harris expressed regret for some of the advice he doled out in the book when he publicly apologized to some of the readers on Twitter."I never went to prom.Here was this young guy, only 21, preaching chastity, virtue and not kissing until you got married.It was a supremely conservative message packaged with youthful fervor and a fedora.The book, marketed to teenagers and 20somethings, also discourages teen relationships and promotes courtship, a process in which a couple moves purposefully toward marriage with their parents' blessing and involvement as a better alternative to dating.Any kind of physical intimacy before marriage, the book argues, is a violation of the sacredness of married sexuality, and could lead to lifelong regret.But beside my non-existent teen love life, the book had a larger impact that as an adult, I’m only now coming to grips with—damaging expectations of myself, men, and sexuality—beliefs that have cost me love, friendship, and given me a life of shame.